Change of Scenery

Duncan had been lost in the woods for three days. This suited him just fine. 

Everything was going according to plan. He had food, a sleeping bag, and a tent. He also had a book on wilderness survival, giving him all the advice he needed. 

Duncan had no intention of finding his way back. He had even removed chapters from his book that referred to finding one’s way home. Lost in the wilderness meant no traffic, no meetings and most importantly … no Gladys.

Two weeks later, Duncan began to rethink his strategy. He was tired of eating twigs and dirt clods. It turned out that catching food with snares was more difficult than the book led him to believe. He began to think that a little time in traffic could be a good thing. He would call it his contemplative time. As for meetings, he could call those group sharing events. 

With a new outlook on life, Duncan began to work on finding his way home. After some time, he eventually managed to climb to the top of the highest nearby mountain with the intent of getting his bearings.

Sure enough, from his perch on the peak, he could see a large town not more than five miles away. That was when his long forgotten cell phone buzzed indicating he had an SMS. He realized that he must be within cell range up there in the open.

Pulling out his phone, he looked down to read, “Where the hell are you, and pick up some milk on your way home, you worthless excuse for a man.” It was from Gladys.

Duncan calmly dropped his cell to the ground, smashed it with his foot, and then headed back into the wilderness. Some perspectives are just too hard to change.






Be sure to stop by my main blog The View From The Cheap Seats.


jim

Quiet Wife

Paul lifted his wife out of the car trunk and stood her stiff body on the dolly, which he then used to wheel her into the service department.

“What seems to be the problem sir?” asked the service representative behind the counter.

“It’s my wife,” Paul began, “she seems to be acting up a bit.”

The rep walked around from behind the counter to get a closer look at Paul’s unit.

“Ahh,” he said scratching his head, “I see you have the Quiet Wife model 01-Alpha. I didn’t know that any of these things were still out there. She must be what, twenty-five years old?”

“I’ve had her for nearly thirty years. You might say we’ve grown old together,” said Paul, a tear forming in his eye.

“What seems to be the problem?” the rep asked.

“She is leaking oil and several of her connections keep loosening up. She requires a lot of attention. If I have to pay that much attention to my wife, I might as well get a live one. Plus, she seems to have lost some interest in me … physically I mean.”

The rep couldn’t help but do a quick body scan, noting the generous belly and unkempt look of his customer. Recovering quickly he said, “It must be her optical recognition and response card. I should have another one in the back.”

While the rep went to look for the part, Paul scanned through some brochures touting the latest in Artificially Intelligent Domestic Partners. Their best selling model was Handyman Hal. The testimony below said, “He is much more of a man than my real husband in every way.” Paul shuddered as he saw the smiling face attached to the comment. It was that of the newest female AIDP, Quiet Wife Ultra.