Morning Quandry

Written for the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge with a word limit of 300.

The prompts: This story must contain the words: ladder, hourglass and fog

Morning Quandry

Donald considered sneaking quietly out of the house. Fortunately, the fog in his head cleared briefly; allowing him to recognize where he was- home. Departing the scene would only prolong the situation.

Fighting off panic, he searched for Plan B.

For the moment, he lay perfectly still lest he wake the beast snoring happily next to him. Using only his peripheral vision, he tried to scan the room for a solution. What would MacGyver do? Maybe he could set fire to something. In the ensuing commotion, she could be coaxed out of the house and somehow fed into a waiting taxi; its driver bribed into amnesia with regards to the originating address.

He quickly nixed that idea. The last thing he needed was for the entire neighborhood to watch as a fireman carried what appeared to be a large manatee down the ladder. Donald had his reputation to think about.

How could this have happened? he thought. Sure he had been drinking heavily but he was certain that he would have remembered picking up a girl with her own gravity well. There was a vague memory of drinking with an hourglass figure earlier in the evening. Maybe they pulled the old bait-and-switch and he’d ended up with the wingman.

An intimidating burst of flatulence made the sheets billow like a mainsail in a typhoon. She would be waking soon and then there would be no escaping. He had to act now.

Donald rolled to his left only to have her follow suit. She drowsily threw a beefy arm across his body.

Just great, he thought. I’m being spooned by Mount Everest.

Just then, he spied salvation right in front of him. It was time to take the twelve ounce solution. He reached out for the half-full bottle of Jack Daniels.

Word count 300